If Bob Dylan Had Written The Hobbit

Ever wondered what Bob Dylan would have done with The Hobbit? Probably not. But "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" always reminds me of The Hobbit. Both tell of a journey through strange lands where the traveler hears and sees strange and wondrous things and meets amazing people. I'm not much of a poet (not at all to be honest) but here's my version of "A Hard Dragon's A-Gonna Fall." Feel free to laugh and chuckle. I certainly did while writing it. Cue the music.

"A Hard Dragon's A-Gonna Fall"

Oh, where have you been, my hairy-footed hobbit?
And where have you been my middle-aged one?
I've stumbled and crawled inside the Misty Mountains
I've walked down the road that goes ever onward
I've toiled and been lost amidst the evils of Mirkwood
I've been in a barrel that danced on a river
I stole in a mountain and thieved a dragon's hoard
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
It's a hard dragon's a-gonna fall.


Oh, what did you see, my hairy-footed hobbit?
And what did you see, my middle-aged one?
I saw many an elf a laughin' and singin'
I saw a ring in the dirt that now lives in my pocket
I saw many a Warg from a tree that was burnin'
I saw lights in the trees of a dark, haunted forest
I saw the halls of an elfking and a river there under
I saw sharp swords and bows and shields a clashin'
I saw a stone that glimmered like rain on the moon
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
It's a hard dragon's a-gonna fall.


And, what did you hear, my hairy-footed hobbit?
And what did you hear, my middle-aged one?
I heard three trolls a-talkin' about me a cookin'
I heard the thunder of giants and stones atop a mountain
I heard a cavern of goblins their drums all a-beatin'
I heard the jeers of goblins who laughed at my burnin'
I heard the talk of spiders a bent on blood suckin'
Heard the voice of a dragon who laughed at my riddles
I heard the screams of a lake town its people a burnin'
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
It's a hard dragon's a-gonna fall.


Oh, who did you meet, my hairy-footed hobbit?
Who did you meet, my middle-aged one?
I met dwarves bent and twisted on gettin' their treasure
I met an elf who saw letters that no one could see
I met a thing with no soul who ate fish and spoke riddles
I broke bread with a man who prowled as a bear
I met an old wizard who kept comin' and goin'
I met an old dwarf wounded in greed
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
It's a hard dragon's a-gonna fall.


And what'll you do now, my hairy-footed hobbit?
And what'll you do now my middle-aged one?
I'll celebrate peace and go back to my lodgings
I'll take back my house from those who would sell it
I'll tell you my stories of near death and danger
I'll smoke and I'll eat and I'll grow plump and happy
And when dwarves come a knockin' I'll welcome them in
I'll seek wizards and elves for news of places I've been
And when I grow old I'll go walkin' again
Then I'll meet with the elves and gaze on the mountains
But I'll finish my book before I stop singin'
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard
It's a hard Smaug's a-gonna fall.

Image: Wanderer Looking over the Sea of Fog (1818) by Caspar David Friedrich.